it is one of the loneliest feelings in the world to just be forgotten. and it seems to be a common theme in my life lately.
it's just like life to kick me when i'm down.
it feels really good. (sarcasm)
but i've about had all i can handle.
i'm ready for this part of life to be over.
so here's the deal. over the past year, i've pretty much just been burned. and several people have just been burned by me. and as a result of all of this, i've evidently just closed myself off. and it doesn't seem like it because i talk a lot of crap. but it's not important crap. and it's usually not personal crap. and even when it seems like it is, it isn't. with the exception of lewis and then janine, who somehow ends up finding out all my personal stuff anyway, everyone else - if you don't ask or don't actually make an effort to find out about what's really going on in my head and my heart, i won't offer the information. and none of my friends are by any means required to find out what is really going on, what i'm worried about, stressed about, hurting about. and that's fine. but i don't offer it up anymore. i used to. even to my closest friends now, i just don't. and it has nothing to do with how i see my friends. it has everything to do with how i see myself.
but i guess i just need to start getting used to the fact that if i can't offer enough time or energy or attention to my friends all the time, that they are probably going to see our friendship as less than it was before. i just don't do that. if i don't see or talk to someone very much for a month or so, i still think we are just as good of friends as we were when we talked everyday. it's just how i am i guess.
i just don't know...
Thursday, February 8, 2007
bad day part 2
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4 comments:
i never see our friendship as fading a little... regardless of how long we go in between.
you're one of the few people in my life i can never see not being friends with.
so there.
and by the way, anna nicole died because trimspa melted her insides and replaced them with styrofoam.
my theory at least.
hey lady. thanks for calling... you made my day. and i wanted to cry for you because yours sucked so bad. but there will be times... and have been times when i've needed you and you've been there too. so... thank you.
never feel bad for the way you feel. you are allowed to feel the way you do... what you do with those feelings are the only thing you have to worry about. you're allowed to feel hurt and mad and sad and angry and frustrated with people you love. it's part of relationships... and i think that part of the problem with people today is that they don't realize that their actions affect people. especially when it comes to people who care immensely.
i think you and i are those kind of people. the ones who feel deeply and care greatly. the kind that get walked on and are too forgiving for their own good. but... that's just who we are as people.
we are allowed to feel what we feel. and not just because we're women and we are emotional... but because we are humans and we have feelings.
don't ever feel sorry for your emotions.
don't ever feel sorry for telling someone the truth about how their actions have affected you. truth be told, we all have a lot going on in our lives... but just because it may seem like someone else has a little bit more on their plate doesn't mean you have to make the decision to neglect yourself by stuffing in the way they make you feel. the only good you are doing... well you're not doing any good by stuffing it away.
and i don't want to sit here and preach to you... i just don't want to see you worry about putting people out because you have been hurt by them.
the best kind of relationships are the ones that you can kick and scream and fight and two seconds make up and move on. we are humans and we are going to feel what we do. it's also our job to make sure that we dont' take someone elses feelings personally... it's just how they feel.
so... if someone is hurt because you tell them you are hurt by what they have done to you. well... they're allowed to feel that as well. but you need to take care of yourself.
you are important.
i love you! :)
Oh sweetie, fight against being closed off and reserved. You are far too young to start feeling this way, but I am glad you see it now instead of when you are 42. Be who God made you and be comfortable with yourself. God is faithful and He loves you so much! Depend on Him.
*hugs her*
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