Travis sent me a hilarious email today about his search for a band for his wedding. I have copied the best parts along with the videos below. (Also, he talks about where I work and I have deleted the name and replaced it with ******. Just, you know, for privacy.)
Check these out...
As we all know the most important aspect of marriage is a killer wedding band... So when in search of the right band for the Nuptials I recalled my brief stint as ******’s unofficial interview coordinator and applied the same skills that brought you employees like April, Crystal, Brian, Lisa and Buster.
First we drafted a small list of possible bands...
First I found the high regarded post metal ballad band “Pick Your Poison” out of Alpharetta GA.
Now PYP has it’s downside (none of which I have been able to find) but they may be too “in yo face” for a wedding like mine... I was always very reserved you’ll remember.
So I made my next contact... Sonseed out of Southern Cal.
Now I am not sure if this band is still together/alive.. But their ability to rhyme any known English word to any other word is spellbinding. Plus their use of synth guitars literally melted my face off.
Then there is the fact that my wedding is somewhat close to Christmas... So what better to bring cheer to our holy matrimony than to have some Holy vocals... Brought to you courtesy of Steve Moscowitz.
I believe his brilliance is apparent.
Then I was introduced to Reggie Six Pack by some guy at a bus stop...
He is obviously our front runner.
And finally, on my last cycling tour of Tokyo I met acclaimed recording artists YingYang. They have the catchiest jam I have ever heard... OMG.
Plus they have dance moves that would make Chris Brown change his name to Doogie Houser.
Once we complied this list we put all the candidates through rigorous testing.
Test 1... The endurance test.
Each hopeful band was asked to get in my car... Then I drove them to a sketchy neighborhood... And I let them out... Then I drove home and watched re-runs of Saved by the Bell. The next day I could only find YingYang, Steve Moscowitz, PYP and Sonseed... Reggie Six Pack obviously backed out.
Test 2... The dreaded penny test.
I dropped a penny on the floor and told them if they picked it up I would hit them with a 2X4... This would show me a whole gamut of important facts I needed to know about them.
1. It would show me their tolerance for pain... What if they sprain an ankle mid-wedding... Are they going to quit... Will I get my deposit back?
2. It shows me if they scare easily... What if my uncle Mike gets really drunk and tries to fight them? Are they going to fight back? If not will they press charges?
3. It shows me how eager they are for money. This way I know if they ask for $1000 and I give them 1000 fruit snacks whether or not they will become angry with me or just be happy with what they have.
Well I got bored of this test after the amount of questions they asked... All of which involved my motives and criminal record... So I hit them all one time on the leg.
So after all of these tests most all of my candidates asked for me to fly them home... I said no and dropped them off at the bus station... All of the candidates besides YingYang... They don’t speak English so I kept them... I think they know what’s going on but who really knows? Am I right or am I right? Anywho... YingYang is my wedding band and me and the boyz (that’s what I call them now) couldn’t be more stoked... By the way... We have a secret performance planned for Natalie... So don’t spoil it... Here is a preview... Enjoy!
Check these out...
As we all know the most important aspect of marriage is a killer wedding band... So when in search of the right band for the Nuptials I recalled my brief stint as ******’s unofficial interview coordinator and applied the same skills that brought you employees like April, Crystal, Brian, Lisa and Buster.
First we drafted a small list of possible bands...
First I found the high regarded post metal ballad band “Pick Your Poison” out of Alpharetta GA.
Now PYP has it’s downside (none of which I have been able to find) but they may be too “in yo face” for a wedding like mine... I was always very reserved you’ll remember.
So I made my next contact... Sonseed out of Southern Cal.
Now I am not sure if this band is still together/alive.. But their ability to rhyme any known English word to any other word is spellbinding. Plus their use of synth guitars literally melted my face off.
Then there is the fact that my wedding is somewhat close to Christmas... So what better to bring cheer to our holy matrimony than to have some Holy vocals... Brought to you courtesy of Steve Moscowitz.
I believe his brilliance is apparent.
Then I was introduced to Reggie Six Pack by some guy at a bus stop...
He is obviously our front runner.
And finally, on my last cycling tour of Tokyo I met acclaimed recording artists YingYang. They have the catchiest jam I have ever heard... OMG.
Plus they have dance moves that would make Chris Brown change his name to Doogie Houser.
Once we complied this list we put all the candidates through rigorous testing.
Test 1... The endurance test.
Each hopeful band was asked to get in my car... Then I drove them to a sketchy neighborhood... And I let them out... Then I drove home and watched re-runs of Saved by the Bell. The next day I could only find YingYang, Steve Moscowitz, PYP and Sonseed... Reggie Six Pack obviously backed out.
Test 2... The dreaded penny test.
I dropped a penny on the floor and told them if they picked it up I would hit them with a 2X4... This would show me a whole gamut of important facts I needed to know about them.
1. It would show me their tolerance for pain... What if they sprain an ankle mid-wedding... Are they going to quit... Will I get my deposit back?
2. It shows me if they scare easily... What if my uncle Mike gets really drunk and tries to fight them? Are they going to fight back? If not will they press charges?
3. It shows me how eager they are for money. This way I know if they ask for $1000 and I give them 1000 fruit snacks whether or not they will become angry with me or just be happy with what they have.
Well I got bored of this test after the amount of questions they asked... All of which involved my motives and criminal record... So I hit them all one time on the leg.
So after all of these tests most all of my candidates asked for me to fly them home... I said no and dropped them off at the bus station... All of the candidates besides YingYang... They don’t speak English so I kept them... I think they know what’s going on but who really knows? Am I right or am I right? Anywho... YingYang is my wedding band and me and the boyz (that’s what I call them now) couldn’t be more stoked... By the way... We have a secret performance planned for Natalie... So don’t spoil it... Here is a preview... Enjoy!
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