We are hiring for Travis' position at work. Susan and I have been conducting interviews all day. Travis sent us an email to give us commentary on his thoughts of the interviewees so far. It is long, but WELL worth the read.
All names and recognizable features have been changed to protect the innocent...
Let me begin by recognizing what a fabulous job you have done already… you are two examples of why this country is great, we single handedly have the ability to meet and/or hear about someone and discern everything about them, their motives and how much we dislike them from that single meeting! Amazing! And what’s even better is America as a whole has never been wrong a single time about the perceptions of anything. Thus is why I feel so confident in my reviews of today’s applicants, because as an American citizen (these colors don’t run by the way) I am incapable of being wrong… ever.
This morning I intentionally dropped a nickel within plain sight in the front office area where each applicant would be entering the office… here is what I found.
No one even noticed. Which can mean a number of things…
1. They are selfless people who care nothing about personal wealth, which will be a plus because we can pay them low wages for grueling hours and if they complain we can reference their selflessness and then they will feel bad and take on more work and even less pay. We will then take the money we save and either give it to the needy or by plasma screens.
2. It could mean that they are going to sneak in here later and snag that nickel. This means they are backstabbing underhanded crooks, which can go two ways. This could be an obvious bad thing because they will steal office supplies and people’s lunch money. It could be a good thing because they could steal tenants from our competitors, so what we lose in office supplies and lunch money we more than gain in cold hard business!
3. This could mean that all the applicants were blind, in which case we have to hire them all or we will get sued.
4. This could mean they are not familiar with American currency which makes them one of the following:
One old one, one new one
I have mentioned before that we work in a building that has condominiums in the upper floors and we are on the first floor. Elite Pest Control comes to spray for bugs every few weeks. They enter all the units and spray. Well, this woman from upstairs, who has already complained about every resident around her as well as every other possible building maintenance issue you could think of, she comes downstairs and tells Lewis that the Pest Control lady came into her apartment and dropped a huge poop in her toilet and stopped it up and then tried to clean it up by putting a towel around the bottom of the toilet. She knows all this because she comes in and the towel is around the stopped up toilet.
Who knows if that is true, but secretly...I hope it is!
I work in a condominium building that is really old. Either the heat is on in the entire building or the air conditioning is on in the entire building. Due to the temperatures raising the last couple of weeks, we had turned the air conditioning on. The temperatures are going back down for the next few days and this old lady that lives upstairs just came in and got mad at us.
Old lady: "It's is freezing upstairs!! You all need to turn the heat back on or I'm going to catch a cold!!"
(FYI: The maintenance guy goes up into her apartment and the room temperature is 75 degrees. She is not "warm" until it is at least 80. Wow. Also, you can't get the full effect of this story until you hear and see the woman. Lewis will have to act it out for you one day.)
*After she leaves*
Our office is expanding right now, taking over more properties, hiring more people. This is what happened in an interview today. (I wasn't in the room, but I wish I was!!)
Supervisor: "Well everything looks great! We will have to get your information for a background check and you will have to pass a drug test."
Applicant: "I'm probably not going to pass that drug test. I've been taking some medication to make my penis bigger." (HE WAS TOTALLY SERIOUS)
Awesome! Hope that works out for you, man.
Someone called today to talk with a supervisor. Lewis had to get their name and number to have the supervisor call them back. This was what the person said when Lewis asked for their name.
"Cherry as in cat."
What??
I work for a property management company. We manage mostly government subsidized and Section 8 and income based apartment complexes. I make no judgment about the people who live in apartments like that. I think they are an incredible asset to many people who need help paying rent and getting by. There is nothing wrong with anyone who lives in these types of property. But, as with any kind of property management, we get some really funny/interesting calls. I've decided to start blogging about them regularly because sometimes it's just plain funny.
Angry Caller #1
Receptionist: Thank you for calling ________, this is Lewis.
Caller: "WHERE'S MY MONEY!?!"
Angry Caller #2
(In the middle of a LONG conversation where the woman is complaining to have "bugs" in her apartment, not roaches or anything like that, just "bugs" that keep biting her in her bed):
Caller: "Well, I know the people who lived in my apartment before me were a bunch of Mexicans and I don't have a van, so I know I don't have any of them sex bugs."
Favorite names of former tenants:
First name: Abcdef
First name: Jayleno
Ah, the life of a property management company.
LOVE IT.
