Friday, February 9, 2007

chuck norris

these just really never get old and i was SO in the mood today.

  • Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
  • Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
  • Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*** he wants.
  • Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
  • Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
  • Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
  • Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
  • Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
  • Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
  • Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
  • M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
  • ADD is not a disease. It's just impossible to focus when you know that Chuck Norris could strike at any moment.
  • Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
  • Vin Diesel can be re-arranged to say, "I end lives". Screw that; Chuck Norris can be re-arranged to say "Chuck Norris", Which means the same thing.
  • When Chuck Norris breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.

3 comments:

janine said...

okay so i hardly laugh out loud at something i read or see on t.v. or whatever... but man chuck norris never gets old. i think he pees the fountain of youth.

but i peed laughing because i found out ole chucky's balls are made of steel... and his weenie.. well we won't get into that.

i think the word weenie is a cute way to say penis.

Anonymous said...

omg... i laughed so hard...

stephanie said...

hahaha i was a little obsessed with norris last year...haha just ask em

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