It has been one of those weeks where I've just struggled...with several things. It's been one of those weeks where I have compared myself to other people way too much. It has been one of those weeks where I just needed to take a minute and think about the reasons why I'm happy to be exactly who and where I am. Here's my list:
(Also I added a
postsecret for each one. Just to prove how
postsecret IS my life.)
1. My husband - I don't think I deserve him and I have definitely done more than my fair share of things in my life to give him reasons to not want to be with me. But he does want to be with me. Everyday. And he makes sure that I know that. And I'm so lucky to have him.
2. My friends - The past few months have been a learning experience for me (as the past couple of years have been as well). I've been learning who my real friends are and who are friends out of convenience. Diana and I have really reconnected over the last few months and I don't think there is anything better sometimes than realizing someone is really just there, just because, and no matter what. They've seen your highs and your lows and they still feel lucky to be friends with you. I'm just happy for people I can count on when life gets rough sometimes.
3. Having what I need - I have a job, a car, a house, money in the bank, very little debt (only house and school which is not really bad debt exactly - although all debt isn't good), the ability to buy what I need and what I want within reason. We don't have an exorbitant amount of money, but I sometimes think that changes people for the worse and I hope that God will allow us to always have the money we need and that we will always be good stewards of the money he gives us. I have seen too many people elevate money beyond any place it should rightfully have.
4. My family - My relationship with my family has been strained at times, but I feel like we are evened out at this point. Every family has its issues. But I appreciate mine and I know they appreciate me. And I've been blessed enough to add Lewis' family to my family and they also make me feel loved and appreciated which is always a good thing.
5. Intelligence - This is not an arrogant statement in any way. Some people have money, charm, wit, physical beauty, diligence, etc. I have intelligence. Things make sense to me. School isn't very hard for me. Work makes sense. I pick up things easily and I am able to discern and understand things with ease. I think that's something I should be happy for because it isn't the case with everyone. We all have strengths and weaknesses in different areas. This is one of my strengths.
6. Free time - I don't have a lot of it. Between work and school, I don't end up with much at all. But my free time does end up being all at the same time. During the week, I don't have a lot of free time at all. But I try to structure my week so that Saturdays are free of schoolwork. I do homework at nights and on Sundays. My Saturdays are my highlight of the week. And yesterday was a particularly wonderful Saturday. Nothing special, just people I care about and time to just be myself.
7. Movies & TV - We all know those things that we love that calm us down, give us rest, an escape, etc. Mine are movies and tv shows. Some people play video games, some people read, some listen to music or go shopping. I love to watch movies and tv shows and I'm lucky enough to have a lot of friends who share my joy in these things.
8. Possibility - I'm in school to be a teacher. Lewis is working really hard toward his career. He is getting his MBA and he has a job that he enjoys and is good at right now. We own a house and have hopes for moving up in the future both personally and professionally. I always think that is better than feeling like you have nowhere left to go. We have lots ahead of us and I'm excited to enjoy the ride.
9. Organization - This might seem silly to you, but organization makes my life easier. I think it is the reason why I can balance school and work and family and friends and everything else that seems to come up over time. Not only in specific physical organization of my house, my workspace, etc, but also my mind is organized in a way that I don't think all people's are. I organize things (thoughts, people, experiences) into categories in my mind and it helps me to separate things. I don't know exactly how to explain it. But it saves my life, I think.
10. Jesus - I saved this one for last not because it is the least important, but because it is significant, the crowning point and faith of my life. It is my pillar. Some people don't understand or agree and that's okay. I will always try to focus my attention and my direction on Christ so that my treatment of those around me, the choices I make, the things I say, the way I dress are all influenced by this. I fall short daily and I know where I have weaknesses that need to be addressed. But I'm trying. I'm moving forward. And I hope that even where some of us don't agree on this issue, I can present my faith and my relationship with Christ in a way that allows respect both from me to others and from others to me.
Maybe when you are having a hard time, you should make a similar list.
So I'm having an unusual problem. Wait, not problem, situation.
