Bravery

So the first part is kinda cheesy and it's from a chain email that I'm sure a lot of you have already received - I know I have at least twice, but I really needed it today.

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."


So, personal Jesus time with Cameron. I've been having a hard time lately. You've probably already read before on my blog about my religious views and my perspective on Christians and the Church today. Well, I woke up this morning - actually - I think I was woken up on purpose from a dream. I was dreaming that I was with a crowd of people who weren't familiar to me and for some reason they all just knew that they needed to pray for me. And they started praying for me and kept mentioning and asking for me to have bravery in my life. What a strange choice of wording, I thought -- "bravery." I immediately woke up when they said that in my dream and it was like me & God were already in the middle of a conversation.

I don't know if you've ever felt like that - I don't even know what your personal religious beliefs or views are. But I know what has been real to me beyond any doubt. And He was there with me this morning - as He always is - but for some reason, I was there too this morning. And I haven't been there lately.

Life is hard for me right now for several different reasons. Some things I bring upon myself because I tend to over-react, over-think, over-analyze. But some things are just hard in general. I know in perspective of a lot of people in the world, I have it easy. But there has been a pain there lately that I can't describe.

It's hard for me to witness hypocrisy in those around me and in myself. It's hard for me to claim to be a part of a "Church" (as a whole, not one specifically) that has so many people screaming so loud words and beliefs that don't in any way resemble the One we are supposed to be living for. And several months ago, maybe even a year ago, I just gave up fighting. There's been a lot lately that I just can't work out - and I get frustrated - I get angry - I feel defeated.

And that's where I am right now. I feel defeated.

The view the world sees of Jesus is this skewed abstract reflection of the real thing. It's to the point where sometimes, I don't even know who we are talking about anymore because it sure isn't the Jesus I know. I feel like such a small voice in a crowd of screamers just trying to patiently say, "that's just not how it is." And about a year ago, I feel like I just drowned in it because I made some mistakes that put me right in with these people I've hated. How painful to come face to face with the depth of your own depravity. I stopped fighting.

So my conversation with God this morning was a strange sort of familiar conversation. We've talked like that before, me & Him - but this was different - or at least I really want it to be. And here's my conclusion:

You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to believe what I believe and we can still be friends and I will love you just the same. But I refuse to believe that I cannot better the lives of those around me simply by living in the way Jesus did. Even if you don't believe that He was who He said He was, you can't discount the fact that there was a man named Jesus and He made a huge impact as a religious leader. Just read the New Testament - even just as literature - and you will be amazed at what He did - at who He was. And I want to be that for people. But more than anything else, I don't want people to feel hopeless, to feel lonely. I don't want people to see their weakness or their skeletons in the closet and think that all Christians are going to throw stones at the first signs of darkness. I won't do that to you.

Compassion, love, kindness, forgiveness, humility, gentleness, self-control, understanding, discernment, wisdom, faith, passion, bravery.

Hmmm.....I wonder where they went and what I could possibly do to help bring them back.